respect

A couple of weeks back i was part of an incident which didn't reflect the best part of me, there are various points of time in life when I have felt that I have acted like a jerk, this was one of them.

Post the incident the offended lady was nice enough to talk it out with me. During that talk, one word as part of a sentence stuck in my mind...have respect for your fellow counterparts...

Respect...when is it that a person loses respect for someone else...I believe that at the core of this issue what we will find is that, it is in the end lack of self respect that makes us have disrespect for others.

And then I started pondering upon what it is about me that I don't respect...and almost as if the answer was waiting all this while to be heard, it screamed, you don't have a meaning to your life...I don't respect myself because my life adds upto nothing.

And I think back to the movie made on the band Doors and the scene where Jim Morrison lies in a bathtub dead of a drug overdose...I think that was one another victim, a person whose life had no meaning.

I have now begun to look for a meaning to my life...and It seems this exercise wants to change everything in me...I can now barely make any conversation...I am literally afraid of speaking...for earlier all I used to speak was smart assy comments and sarcastic humor...if I take that away I usually have nothing to contribute...this could probably also be just a temporary phase...recovering from the after effects of making an ass of myself...but irrespective of whether the incident happened or not...the crux still remains that i'd better find a meaning to my life...or else a i might find a bathtub that has been waiting to take me away...