ok so this came to my mind yesterday and i'm still wondering about it...
we all have heard the quintessential debate...'do good guys end up last'...that in my mind is a very simple thing...i could never treat others like objects
but the debate is usually never about such clearly black and white areas...the debate is between how nice one needs to be
i know of a nice guy who is loved by two women...and that despite him having done quite a few bad things in the past...and u know if i'm saying they were bad...that means they were bad things to do...and yet both the women knowing fully well still love him...
while me who thinks that any number of relationships more than one in ones lifetime is a relationship one too many...i felt bad on breaking up with girls who i had a physical relationship with...even though i had made no implicit or explicit commitments to them...has never really been loved by another...
is there a thing like being too nice? or should i just say this is who i am, this is what i want...u like it come get it...you don't like it...well then too bad for u...
is there a con to being not nice...well yeah...u see all these fights happening in this world...its becoz ppl don't put themselves in the other person's shoes...
let me cite an example...a blogger frnd of mine (and plz forgive me for mentioning this) wanted her bf to buy her two sweaters...coz she was short on cash...neways the bf said no...pointing out that she neways had too many clothes ( he's evidently short on diplomacy...why couldn't he use a diff line of reasoning)...neways so the two fought up real bad...both good ppl...nice ppl...but niceness limited to only till their bidding was being done...beyond that the smiles and coochie coos turn turned into hot words and tears...why...because the niceness didn't extend to trying to understand what the other person was thinking and feeling...
so now the debate is open to the forum...
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7 comments:
Ok this is wt i bel... we shud be only as nice as we r... if we try to be nicer than we are or less nice than we are... thn its not us... cuz then you are pretending, and no one can pretend 24X7X365 for the rest of thr life.
I think the issues arise in the first place in a relationship cuz initially in the beginin most of us end up being over sweet n nice just to impress the other one and accept anything and everything that comes our way cuz we really really want that person with us... and once the initial thing settles down n the relationship is on a roll... we tend to be ourselves again... and so the expectations we had set initially are not met and the other seems to think that we have changed...
So the crux of it - be yourself - if that dosn work, nothing else will
true but let me throw up a scenario...two ppl..frnz...sibling...spouse...roomies...anybody both want to watch something on the tv...
a simple solution can be sometimes one gets to watch and sometimes the other...
but what if one of them comes up with a genuine reason to watch tv everytime...say one of the two is learning cookery and nigella's feasts is something which she should watch...so for the next six months she needs to see the tv
but u know the other person...works hard all day and that is the time gets to watch tv...
(and no recordings are not an option)
so should the non cooking person say...i dont care...i can't not watch tv for six months becoz of u...or shud be try and be nice for those six months...six months is a long time
if the cooking person gives up any episode it ends up meaning a big deal...its not like all life is lost...but still it is a big deal...otherwise there wouldn't be so much fuss about this
tell me what works here?
p.s. the tv thing was jst to keep the example simple
Ok... heavy heavy post !! too many questions and no answers...
T ur TV example( wht an example!!!).. u see sometime its not who compromises and how much... its about who is happy making a change...like detour..coz believe me, we might think we make compromises, but all we do is take a detour..
on ur original debate...
sometimes its not about being nice...its also about how lucky u get with life...
so that guy u conjured up who is loved by two women ispite of screwing up.. might just be plain lucky and not nice at all!!!
happy debating
( i dont belive i just spoke about luck!!!!gosh! )
i think we shouldn't faking anything. be what you are. if they like you, fine. if they don't, so be it......
@Shoe girl...oh this is not heavy...the heavy post is coming :P
i know of all the examples possible :P :P
liked ure analysis "its about who is happy making a change"
hmm luck...while i agree luck plays a factor...i don't think thats the case here...both the women know what he's done...and yet love him...all three of them are nice ppl...the question here is more like...what makes the two of them despite him having done bad things still make them love him...
if i had a frnd who lets say...slapped a beggar (and i dont have to say..without a reasonable cause)...u think i'd still be frnz with him ? so there must be something about that chap right...
@Rain girl...i agree with u on the faking part
Oj...
Ofr your TV example - welll... in all practicality there are some episoded of tht show that A can miss and if B needs to put his/her foot down n tell A to buzz off once in a while, then be it... 6 months - MAYBE... and Year...Maybe... but no one will take it forever... unless B really dosn mind givin up TV for A
WHY don the buy 2 TVs? simpler na?
And for your other question.... not being nice and still being in a relationship, once u in a relationship - frnds, bf, gf, nethin - then its all about wts b/w the two ppl involved... how the other treats someone else may irk u, may not adhere to how u think or feel (unless there is a personal connection)... but tht will not change what two people share within thmself!!!
Makes sense? or more questions?
It's a tough job, this.
On the one hand, as Heart'n'Soul says, "Be Yourself."
On the other hand, however, people (and women especially) expect chivalry.
To me, however, being "selfish" (as Ayn Rand puts it), feels better: Care only for your self. Make yourself as strong as possible. Look for ways to improve yourself.
For example, in the TV example you gave, the non-cooking person must choose his priority: Watching TV? or Seeing the other person happy?
Going without TV for six months might be taken as a challenge.
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