Hold Me

Hold me baby;
Coz no matter how strong i am;
There is still that weak bit in me;
That only finds solace in your arms

rose of love

plant a rose
where my ashes lie
and my love
will bloom towards the sky

of tales of love

i'm angry...

i'm angry with life

its one thing to not be able to meet someone u like

its another to meet someone who has already found somebody before u met them

but what do u do...when u find somebody u really care for...but they won't let u in...and they won't care back...

i don't know when was the last time i was pissed...or probably i've been pissed the last few weeks...but i havent let it all out...

i am more so angry because its not like she's happy and i'm just butting into her life...she won't let happiness come to her...and then she cribs as to why she's sad...

it reminds me of the whole story of the drowning guy who refuses to board a boat coming out of nowhere coz he says god will save him...and then when he dies and asks god why didnt he save him...he says dude...who do u think sent the boat

i'm angry because she was probably my boat...and while it seemed she was coming to rescue me...it seems she was just floating nearby and i had just raised my hopes up...

i'm angry because i think of her all the time...and i mean all the time...but i cant see her thinking abt me...

i'm angry because its not a toy that a bully has taken who i can fight with to get mine back...

i just hope that its because she doesnt like something in me...that way atleast there's a reason i can understand

i'm just angry now...very very angry...

and sad...and heartbroken...

my love affair...

I haven't been with her for long
but ours is a bond unbroken
she keeps busy with her day to day life
but i know she years for me everyday
as i yearn for her
and when we occassionally catch up
she flirts with me as she did when we first met
playing it subtle at moments
or roaring for my attention
a soothing voice in either tone
she talks to me and wonders
that didn't i miss her...what took me so long
her smooth surface is eager to rub againt mine
she is a demanding one
whilst she cuddles me in the evening and does general chatter
in the mornings she wants me pumping and sweating
and tired i fall in her lap
and i realize how much i love her
how much she loves me
there is happiness and peace
and not that we dont fight
oh sometimes she grows dark and angry
she scares me when she's so fiery
but i know beneath all that rage
is a woman who wants to be loved
and of all the girls i have known
she's the one i think simplest to understand
her wants are primial and on the face
her love is easily felt
its a three year old love affair
and it still continues...

after months i came back to juhu beach
and my babe was as lovely as ever infact i think she looks better than last time, there's a mini garden also there now :)

give in, into love

love isn't as simple as it sounds...and quite often it doesnt get the priority it shud...these are my tears...when i see the world this way

when warmth is all that you want
and they try and barter you the world
when a hug is all you need
the world doesnt work...a single person is wat goes

when time flies
round and round and thoughts get entangled
and u find that u r tired of it all
that what came to u at the end...is what should've been there all along

when love is all that i want
why do u think anything else will work
i need someone who will give me the attention
when it requires u to lose...why are u still hung up on being in control

http://catastrophonix.blogspot.com/2008/12/give-in-into-love.html

the bro code part1

popularized by the series 'how i met your mother' ... in existence for as long as friendship and women have been weighing heavy on the minds and hearts of men.

This post spurted on by a colleague who narrated that a friend of her's started going around wid an ex of another common frnd....what is the world coming to...

so here are the bro codes for immediate ref.


1. for those ppl who are unclear what a bro is...it your chuddy buddy...the guy(s) whom you trust. The following are the tests for knowing whether you think of your friend as a friend or a bro:
a.)A bro is more important than any new girl who comes into life
b.)You share all your worldly exploits (matters of the heart) with him
2. For an evening out...you can give your gf priority over hanging out with bro.s
3. In case you and your bro happen to fall for the same girl...only one of three options is feasible
a.) both mutually decide to hit on the girl and whoever she falls for is the lucky one
b.) both mutually decide to chuck the girl out of their lives...her bad luck
c.) one of you two decide to back out
in case you feel there is a fourth option...you two are not bro's stop kidding yourselves
4. If your bro was seeing the girl seriously or for longer than a month...you shall not hit on your bro's ex...no matter how comfy he is with the idea

If there are any queries on other aspects of bro code you can send them in here...as and when required an updated part2 of the bro code will be published

Vroom's Log 24 Sept 08

To venture where many men have gone before...and to hope to succeed where most have failed...

To give it away...Okie the real word was groom...but since its more like groom to be eventually i had the option of using similar sounding words...broom and vroom came to my mind and for obvious reasons i chose the latter...

So neways it has started...three days ago dad showed me some matrimonial ads!!!

anyways i'm ok with that...in the search for the perfect soul mate...let the parents do some work also...

So i told him a straight formula...contact whoever he short lists...send my foto...get theirs...if things progress...will talk online on chat...if things seem promissing (witty and interesting) then move onto further thingy...

although if u look at this algo...it really doesn't sound like an enticing way to err...fall in love...but then in these troubled times :P (refer to my business plan walla post)

but anyhow i'm betting its not gonna be easy and i was thinking if maybe one of you would agree to be the bookie....we could have bets going on in the following brackets:
success within first 3 months:
success within first 6 months:
success within first year
success within two years
never...

it is for the bookie to come out with the betting odds...but neways i'll put my bet on the last or the second last option :P

oh and btw u can be contributors to the cause too....fan out...ping all the nice single women u know...pass the flyers ;)

a little bit of a lot

a little bit of tease a little bit of a play
a little bit of kindness and some amount of pray
a little bit of roughing up a little bit of soft side
a little bit of priceyness and some warm smiles

a little bit of fun
a little bit of wine
a little bit of embarassment
a little bit of swine

a little bit of pain
a little bit of pleasure
a little bit of the saint
a little bit of develishness to treasure

a little bit of everything is what makes things good
and thats why i'm a little bit of everything
nice, rude, cool, prude, gross, warm, kinky, cuddly
and maybe i'm a little bit of u

been making it simple for ppl to follow my posts rather than having to visit 5 diff blogs :P
http://catastrophonix.blogspot.com/2008/09/little-bit-of-lot.html

Principles of Seduction

While the title clearly states the intention some of these principles stand good when we discuss things like making friends or impressing your boss.

Visibility
This is probably the first and most crucial step. The person you are trying to seduce has to know you exist, in clearer terms your face if not name must be familiar to her. If she's in your class of friend circle or dance group or office or your building its relatively easy for that to happen. If you happen to have your sights on somebody like in the next office building or the other section or worse in a senior or junior class visibility becomes an issue. For school or college going people the solution is simpler than for rest...become more active in the institutes activities. For working people common hangout areas is a good way of trying to achieve visibility.

Introduction
This is the step where boldness needs to intermingle with strategy. One needs the right setting to say the first hi, sometimes...most times, if the person is not connected to you through professional or personal circles one would need to artificially create that setting. The setting must be such that a hi seems almost normal. Yet this is one place despite all the right setting one would get cold feet and there nothing other than self belief comes handy. (It also helps the hi sound normal which otherwise can sound like one is having a heart attack).

An introduction is of no use if it doesn't lead to further opportunity of conversation, either by phone, further meetings or even social networking sites.

Milestone
By now we have reached the stage from strangers to aquaintances.

Opinion Building
The next part comes where you need to make the person see you in positive light. The whole aim is to become from a familiar sight to familiar thought.

Myth
Braun, money or looks are what sink women.
That is a very shallow understanding of people. while these have a very positive effect on anybody I believe that it is the fun part of being with the person that incline or disincline people towards you. This is where your talents, interests and persona work for or against you. What the other person is really looking for is that do you add to their life or subtract from it. And it is in the early stages only where one must investigate what excites the other person and then build your case around it.

Safety Tip and My Principle
It is also at this point that one must find out if the person is available or not. Given that these days people get into light or deep relationships right around when they leave kindergarden it goes to say that there is a high probability of you mingling with someone who is alreay been taken. It is a safety tip to around this time find out whether the other person is available or not.

While it is to the readers discretion to agree with my principle or not I do firmly believe that one must not make a move upon a person who has already been taken even though one at that time may firmly believe that this is the one, if that really is so...leave it to providence. It is not for a gentleman to raise his eye on someone else's affections, like it is for a gentleman to thwart an attempt of someone else raising his eye on their affections.

I do also believe that while one may begin with a very prejudiced motive one must not look at seduction from a very narrow view point. Seduction is only an attempt to convert a stranger into an aquaintance who likes you. It does not in any manner reflect the nature of the relationship so formed. I believe if man (human being) became more social and less isolated it would make for a more caring world. And so it is our duty to try wherever possible to build positive relationships whether they be friendly, romantic or even brotherly (or in case of senior people paternal).

Making the Move
The next barrier is when we know the person likes us, thinks positively of us but we are not sure of the extent. Taking the relationship from friendship to romantic relationship is a very crucial step. the cliched arm over the chair move in cinema halls is actually a very nice and innocent move. (Sometimes like it happened to me, the girl might mention that she is feeling cold or scared making it totally natural to do the arm thing)

However beyond that when we talk of physical intimacy unless you want to risk getting slapped and thought lowly off I prefer to not make a direct move but bring intimacy into the conversation and get the other person's view points. Once you have judged the other person's comfort levels it is for you to make half the move, let it be an invite and let the other person come in and grab it (quite nicely detailed by Will Smith in the first kiss scene of Hitch)

Caution
Physical intimacy more often than not can be construed as a implicit commitment. Hence if you are not making a commitment it would be gentlemanly to check with the other on their understanding of the situation

And the last principle to sum up the article

Seduction is not Love
You may have seduced the other person but it does not mean they are in love with you...attracted yes, love who knows. And this I say because the seduction activity works mostly on the basis of showing ones best side, and love mostly means accepting the whole package. And since seduction might result in a romantic relationship there is a great deal of risk involved. And hence i strongly recommend that having made reasonable progress on the seduction aspect, if one is seeking a long term relationship to make sure the person knows your quirks as well as your positives and vice-versa you should know the other person in and out.

These principles of seduction more often than not are needed when there are hinderances in the natural flow of things. In general one would prefer if love happened as naturally as breathing :)

Love

A conversation with a young teenager reciting her story of her first 'Love' and breakup made me remember my days of school, college and those years when almost everything we did came under the category of love...and while I tried explaining to this little one that probably the term she wanted to use was really liked she did insist upon it being love.

Having seen my fair share of relationships, family, friends, enemies, romantic, lustful and some that can not be classified...i feel the best example to understand love is to study maternal love. For rest of the relationships add different flavor to love itself be it fun, or romantic fervour for it to be hard to pin-point what exactly could be called the essence of love.

The maternal relationship however focusses on one core aspect, dedication, devotion, caring, sacrifice. It essentially defines that to have loved you have to give yourself away as much as possible and then some more.

That is why the Sufi saints can talk of romantic relationships in the context of religion for the examples they cite don't talk about the romance or the lust of the relationship but of the devotion and sacrifice in them.

And so be true for anything if you want to identify whether it has reached the depths of love is to understand how much you have given yourself to the other person or the cause...

Om Shanti Om

Well this isn't about just OSO, bringing in life in metro also. Saw both of them this week, loved both of them, albeit for different reasons.

OSO I liked, for it was very filmy, SRK at his what he does best, melodrama. The story was ok nothing captivating in that. What was captivating were the sets and what the stars did in them. Of simple aspirations to be able to reach out and touch your star once.

Over the years I believe SRK has become just that SRK, I am not so sure how happy Sharukh would have been in his own self but by now I doubt there is much of his own self left, it has transformed into SRK the person has become the role. As I recollect him sayin in an interview or so to say rendezvous with Simi Grewal, 'I don't feel comfortable being myself'...I wonder why that strikes a personal note...

Metro was another beautiful movie...what priority do we give to love in our lives...careers, pressures, society, rituals, where does love fit into all this??? Love as I see it is not an animal that can survive all by itself, it may, it may not. It is like a pet animal which needs to be tended to, a flame that must be fed the oil to keep it alive. A person you've been living with for n number of years, there' nothing really new you'll find out about them in the 3rd or the nth year. So that initial euphoria of being love dies out ( and some study quotes this period as about 22 months) so what after that. Do we stop loving surprises, do we stop wanting to be special, do we stop wanting to be a part of something secret, something exciting. So while one have moved past the stage of teenage ebullience into the world of deep understanding and caring...it shouldn't hurt a 40 year old singing 'billo rani...tu kahe toh jaan de doon'

hope and hopelessness of love, drugs and meditation

3:38 PM me: haan to question yeh thaa breaking our truce...if u don't believe in real life romance...r u intending to get married....?

3:39 PM Seema: right now.. NO
i dont know if i'd change my mind

3:40 PM me: not right now but if u don't believe in love as a possibility...then what would be the reason for u to get married
matbal like if u thought there was no good ending possible to that story or ne other story to phir why...even 5 yrs downt he line why (the story referred to is ‘what men want’ can be found in my stories blog callmesmith.blogspot.com , the issue being her firm stance that the ending in the story is only partial and I real life it would only go on further to be a heartbreak)
3:41 PM Seema: i said NO
i dont think i wanna get married ever
thats wt i think right now

3:42 PM me: ok so now next question...if u don't believe in love and hence see no reason to get married...what abt sex....u in for it, against it...watz ure stand on that

3:43 PM Seema: right now m figurin out if i shud continue in this college another year
sex is not exactly on my mind u c

3:44 PM me: or drop it and join air hostess course...i think they have a minimum height reqt...

Seema: i was thinkin i cud abandon material world
go to some ashram
have charas everyday

me: charas costs money btw

Seema: n pray
its almost free in a few places
3:45 PM rishikesh
water'd cost u more
its like a charas-ganja haven

me: really like where...kulu hills also they will make u pay
the whole biz of drugs runs on money
really u ever got some..or know someone who gets it for free

Seema: its diff in rishikesh
3:46 PM these babas they got loads on em
money aint a problem

me: babas get a lot of money also btw

Seema: they just need followers to keep it goin for em

me: yes i can imagine u naked wid ash on ure body smokign charas....yes the whole picture looks very clear

3:47 PM Seema: disgustin gilli
we talkin sanyaas

me: :P

Seema: n dope
u dont respect anythin do u?

me: sanyas has got nothing to do wid dope...ure jst talking dope

Seema: it does

me: i respect thought

Seema: u havent seen a lot of ashrams
3:48 PM its easier to meditate
wen high
u can lose ur self
materially
otherwise its very difficult

me: i have a religious guru...an actual religious guru...if u've ever heard of birla ghat and taat waale babaji in haridwar

Seema: think i have
3:49 PM all my life i have only heard of babajis

me: i heard them talking abt the virtues of milk, of excercise of meditation of bhakti...never of charas

3:50 PM Seema: my dad visits this guy.. guru.. he doesnt talk food.. milk/dope/whatever
stays away from crowds
upon a hill smwr
3:51 PM u'd have to trek to reach him
seems like a genuine guy
no money.. no followers
he cares a damn

3:52 PM me: yes now that is how i wud describe an ascetic...dope isn't included

Seema: hmm

me: there are dopeys too i agree
but in them

Seema: i havent quite reached that level u know

me: i agree with the aghoris
they dope and all

Seema: ya

me: followers of shiva

3:53 PM but their complete philosophy is that nothing in god's creation is disgusting or to be despised
they live in sewers...
wear ash
dope
one of their rituals include consumptuon of meat of dead human

3:54 PM Seema: ya i know

me: ....

Seema: they eat in a skull

me: they i agree wid..

Seema: i dont see myself doin that

me: but meditation and dope don't go...

Seema: even if i think its kinda okay

me: u either dope or u meditate

Seema: u know they do
3:55 PM kinda do
u can meditate however u like

me: one lets the mind wander to thoughtlessness, other concentrates the mind to thoughtlessness

Seema: u just need that state of mind
doesnt matter what takes u there

me: ya but like u can't mix allopathic and homeopathic
same way u can't mix the other two

3:56 PM Seema: see it is more about the end result
to most ppl
u r right it'd not b the same
but i see no harm in startin off like tht

me: haan but u can't take a two horse horse cart...make one turn left other turn right and still hope to move

Seema: only that there are no two horses

3:57 PM me: yes experimenting is not bad...though if u get caught like jim morrison...
then u end up sad and dead in bath tub

Seema: who decides wts wrong n wts not
its wrong wen u know that it is n u still do it

3:58 PM me: not saying nething is wrong...lots of ppl who try meditating wud never reach newhere...

Seema: otherwise it is all hypothetical

me: and ppl who dope maybe happy

Seema: ethics n moral codes n all

me: but the reverse is also possible
i dont talk abt ethics and morals

Seema: anythin is possible
thats y i say its the state of mind that is more important

me: my only ethic/moral/principal is to never hurt nebody or think ill of nebody
other than that u know i have no prinicples

Seema: diff ppl have diff reasons to dope
3:59 PM depends on wt i think principles are
i dont think anything is wrong as long as u not harmin a second person
do wtever u will to urself
ur life

me: we seem to be on similar lines there

4:00 PM Seema: hmm
thats how it shud b u know
with everyone
life'd b so much simpler

me: yeah there's this kid ...met online..she's in xaviers...
4:02 PM now she and her gang members watch porn...rag juniors including guys in kinda sexual manners , will hang out wid guys..but she won't jerk off or have sex or even kiss any guy...coz in her mind as long she doenst do that she's decent !!!!
and like she's majorly fixed on porn and i was like kiddo..the day u started thinking..decency flew out of the window...:P
:P
4:03 PM neways each to theirs

Seema: ya
if she thinks she's right
then be it

4:04 PM i hate ppl who r guilty
cmon dont do it
as simple as that
me: yeah...
4:05 PM if i ever manage to organize 'the naked mile' run in india will send u an invite...
:)

Seema: hahaha

4:06 PM but wt wud b the objective

me: what has always been the objective...to break rules
rules the anithema of mankind
prevent development

4:07 PM Seema: hmm
but y wud u break rules without any objective n just for the heck of it

4:08 PM me: because just the act of breaking rules proclaims that we are free as humans, ppl of free thought, ppl who will ask questions...
4:09 PM ppl who will not be cowered down by shiv sena or the govt...

Seema: but y cant ppl do that wen there is a reason

me: the only thing we will not do is harm, others

Seema: most of these naked mile athletes wud bak off then

me: yeah thats there too...

Seema: hypocrisy...

4:10 PM me: not exactly chains....
everybody has chains
some manage to break free some don't

4:11 PM Seema: but i just think ppl have gotta b sure of et they blv in

me: i wouldn't sit in judgement upon those who cant

Seema: know its not as simple as it sounds
but they shud try

4:12 PM me: shud...who knows may be they have also...but like u don't seem keen to try meditating withiout dope they might not want to try revolting by leaving money or career etc
lots of desires and fears govern us...

and thats where this conversation petered off due to other engagements....leave u all to ure own thoughts on this...