Stranger in the city

http://callmesmith.blogspot.com/2008/07/stranger-in-city.html

A short story just published on my short stories blog.

As always...i just write the words....why i write them is something even i wonder about.

Stuff i publish here is always in the first draft form...so it lacks the usual tightening to make it more alluring and crisp...yet i hope it shall be liked for what it say...

and i wonder what it say :P

Who messed with my confidence

Whether Shinjini got paralysed due to the humiliation she faced at the hands of the judges of the reality show or due to previous physiological problems...self confidence does remain people's most vulnerable area.

You feel like you are invincible and u can dare to walk a skyrope hanging a mile high up between two mountains...and if you're feeling like you're gonna puke any moment now...you'll get 2 + 2 wrong

and thats how life is...why is it that in a battle it is important to kill the generals...cause it destroys the confidence of a million men to fight without a leader...

how is it that battles have been won with lopsided ratios...

and now coming back to the current thingy...actually not the very show itself...was seeing mtv's show...on the job...this was sometime last year...couple of young lads were given some job to be done...they ofcourse were inconsequential...what was hilarious was to see the judges try and imitate simon from american idol in being curt with his admiration of their talents...

i really wonder why neone wud imitate being rude...but then i wonder a lot

and i wonder why neone wud let neone punch them on their self confidence...taking punches to the face is easy...the wounds are easily noticeable and easily recoverable....hits to self confidence could show up as putrified wounds suddenly and fatally...

so dudes and dudettes...guard your self confidence...its your biggest weapon and your weakest point...

witty and crass

there are times when one must be a nice bachcha...sensitive to the ppl around u...like in a mandir surrounded by devout followers...at other times one must heed the advice of khuswant singh and have malice towards one and all...

In this regard Osho also quipped...we Indians are too serious...and haven't learnt to laugh at ourselves...

though i believe Sardars have done us proud by being sporty...

My surname is Kohli...and it has been twisted around like a candy stick in the making...add to it...a frnd named me gilli in school which has...well stuck on...so here go my many names...kholi...kohli ki goli...kohlu...silli gilli...tilli singh...its gud fun twisting and playing wid pplz names...i have a frnd whose sur named as chawla...it is quite often that i refer to him as chaawal...somehow everytime i do it...it brings about a smile to my face :P

then there are some ads which cud be requoted to nice effect..like the polo...mint with the hole line...or was it...the hole with the mint ;)

okie now i dont want to hog space...opening the forum for ppl to add on...

and dont hold back...for this one post all sensitivities can be ignored....

Primate Hunt

The topic of marriage comes up quite often these days...people in my age group are getting married...parents keep indicating that it is an imminent thing (imminent = two year time frame according to them)...and i keep wondering...

I have been on the hunt for a partner ever since i can remember...though not entirely in romantic terms...in school i used to seriously miss having a good debating partner...there were plenty of good award winning debaters around...but unfortunately i was looking for someone who would focus more on fun and experimentation than winning...

The i have been looking for a gang of frnz who like everything from chess to poker to treks to drama...continuing on the theme of fun and experimentation...and mostly that gang also exists in parts only

So now i wonder...a romantic dreamer like me...it seems that i have been waiting for my swan (there is a significance to drawing analogy with swans, i hope the readers of this blog do know it) since i was born (guilty of over exaggeration)...and yet my worry is the same...fun and experimentative...does she exist...and if yes will our paths ever cross...

Moving on from my personal quandary to a more general view to the whole mate hunt thing...and dissecting it like an engineer there are various aspects to a person that we judge them on...looks, physique, family background, education, goals in life, views on life, habits, blah blah blah...not only do both the parties have to judge the other on each of these they have to be able to find out about each of these...and most aspects here are those that don't show up early...

Neways so given that is humanely inane trying to do all this maths...lets simplify it to a single dimension...do we click or do we not click...the aggregate of all the above is the intuitive feeling whether we click or not...though when it gets time to put a definitive yes or no to that question most people find themselves horribly confused...after all its a very long term bet one is making...a call option of that long is unheard of in business :P

And then for those of us who look at other couples and wonder how in the name of god did they find each other...i have been through three relationships myself and all special yet none supposing a chance close to the "i do" point...so i still wonder.

And those of you who have read my scrap on principles of seduction would prolly agree that given the opportunities there is much one can do...but for those of us who when most people meet say by their fifth interaction that you stand out a wee bit too much from the crowd (not in the same sense as stars stand out from the crowd)...there is always a dearth of opportunities...for out there is a girl...who one day quit her job and went backpacking for two months...who embodies the free spirit and the quintessential tag of homely (courtesy indian matrimonial ads if you've ever read that column quite interesting stuff there) an oxymoron in itself...infact it sounds interesting to make this a list of oxymorons...petitely strong...wheatishly glowing...conservatively kinky....spiritually humane...wierdly humorous...ambitiously familial ( i am sure i wud be jammed for wrong usage but i try to imply a family person with the second word)...femininstically logical (refer to the men from mars females from venus argument)...i wont complete the list of oxymorons am sure a whole lot of will get added to the list in the comments section...

so as i was saying...if you do ever find her...please claim an eclairs from me and do point her in this direction...till then i'll get busy with work and try and get that song out of my head "i'm so lonely...i've got nobaady to call my own" sung in the very endearing chipmunk tone...

inheritance of fear

Day before night at the station...or i guess on the way to there...something struck me...wanting to be spoken of again...fear...a legacy passed down...This fear that i speak of is different from the fear that brings cowardice...

this is the fear for ones loved ones, of one's own economic security...a fear of what the future will bring...which makes us take guarded decisions...and play safe.

It is said that for one to be an entrepreneur the setting is easiest for someone who comes from a business background or for someone who is a pauper...one has something to fall back on if he fails...the other has nothing to lose anyways (do not get stuck vehmently to opposition of this generalisation).

It is we of the middle class...the salaried people who find it difficult to break out of our routine and take that leap...held back by 'what if'...

Not that it is an unreasonable fear...yet it oft makes us be too reasonable with life...sometimes a little recklessness is what keeps the excitement going...

sometimes that is ;)

respect

A couple of weeks back i was part of an incident which didn't reflect the best part of me, there are various points of time in life when I have felt that I have acted like a jerk, this was one of them.

Post the incident the offended lady was nice enough to talk it out with me. During that talk, one word as part of a sentence stuck in my mind...have respect for your fellow counterparts...

Respect...when is it that a person loses respect for someone else...I believe that at the core of this issue what we will find is that, it is in the end lack of self respect that makes us have disrespect for others.

And then I started pondering upon what it is about me that I don't respect...and almost as if the answer was waiting all this while to be heard, it screamed, you don't have a meaning to your life...I don't respect myself because my life adds upto nothing.

And I think back to the movie made on the band Doors and the scene where Jim Morrison lies in a bathtub dead of a drug overdose...I think that was one another victim, a person whose life had no meaning.

I have now begun to look for a meaning to my life...and It seems this exercise wants to change everything in me...I can now barely make any conversation...I am literally afraid of speaking...for earlier all I used to speak was smart assy comments and sarcastic humor...if I take that away I usually have nothing to contribute...this could probably also be just a temporary phase...recovering from the after effects of making an ass of myself...but irrespective of whether the incident happened or not...the crux still remains that i'd better find a meaning to my life...or else a i might find a bathtub that has been waiting to take me away...

Principles of Seduction

While the title clearly states the intention some of these principles stand good when we discuss things like making friends or impressing your boss.

Visibility
This is probably the first and most crucial step. The person you are trying to seduce has to know you exist, in clearer terms your face if not name must be familiar to her. If she's in your class of friend circle or dance group or office or your building its relatively easy for that to happen. If you happen to have your sights on somebody like in the next office building or the other section or worse in a senior or junior class visibility becomes an issue. For school or college going people the solution is simpler than for rest...become more active in the institutes activities. For working people common hangout areas is a good way of trying to achieve visibility.

Introduction
This is the step where boldness needs to intermingle with strategy. One needs the right setting to say the first hi, sometimes...most times, if the person is not connected to you through professional or personal circles one would need to artificially create that setting. The setting must be such that a hi seems almost normal. Yet this is one place despite all the right setting one would get cold feet and there nothing other than self belief comes handy. (It also helps the hi sound normal which otherwise can sound like one is having a heart attack).

An introduction is of no use if it doesn't lead to further opportunity of conversation, either by phone, further meetings or even social networking sites.

Milestone
By now we have reached the stage from strangers to aquaintances.

Opinion Building
The next part comes where you need to make the person see you in positive light. The whole aim is to become from a familiar sight to familiar thought.

Myth
Braun, money or looks are what sink women.
That is a very shallow understanding of people. while these have a very positive effect on anybody I believe that it is the fun part of being with the person that incline or disincline people towards you. This is where your talents, interests and persona work for or against you. What the other person is really looking for is that do you add to their life or subtract from it. And it is in the early stages only where one must investigate what excites the other person and then build your case around it.

Safety Tip and My Principle
It is also at this point that one must find out if the person is available or not. Given that these days people get into light or deep relationships right around when they leave kindergarden it goes to say that there is a high probability of you mingling with someone who is alreay been taken. It is a safety tip to around this time find out whether the other person is available or not.

While it is to the readers discretion to agree with my principle or not I do firmly believe that one must not make a move upon a person who has already been taken even though one at that time may firmly believe that this is the one, if that really is so...leave it to providence. It is not for a gentleman to raise his eye on someone else's affections, like it is for a gentleman to thwart an attempt of someone else raising his eye on their affections.

I do also believe that while one may begin with a very prejudiced motive one must not look at seduction from a very narrow view point. Seduction is only an attempt to convert a stranger into an aquaintance who likes you. It does not in any manner reflect the nature of the relationship so formed. I believe if man (human being) became more social and less isolated it would make for a more caring world. And so it is our duty to try wherever possible to build positive relationships whether they be friendly, romantic or even brotherly (or in case of senior people paternal).

Making the Move
The next barrier is when we know the person likes us, thinks positively of us but we are not sure of the extent. Taking the relationship from friendship to romantic relationship is a very crucial step. the cliched arm over the chair move in cinema halls is actually a very nice and innocent move. (Sometimes like it happened to me, the girl might mention that she is feeling cold or scared making it totally natural to do the arm thing)

However beyond that when we talk of physical intimacy unless you want to risk getting slapped and thought lowly off I prefer to not make a direct move but bring intimacy into the conversation and get the other person's view points. Once you have judged the other person's comfort levels it is for you to make half the move, let it be an invite and let the other person come in and grab it (quite nicely detailed by Will Smith in the first kiss scene of Hitch)

Caution
Physical intimacy more often than not can be construed as a implicit commitment. Hence if you are not making a commitment it would be gentlemanly to check with the other on their understanding of the situation

And the last principle to sum up the article

Seduction is not Love
You may have seduced the other person but it does not mean they are in love with you...attracted yes, love who knows. And this I say because the seduction activity works mostly on the basis of showing ones best side, and love mostly means accepting the whole package. And since seduction might result in a romantic relationship there is a great deal of risk involved. And hence i strongly recommend that having made reasonable progress on the seduction aspect, if one is seeking a long term relationship to make sure the person knows your quirks as well as your positives and vice-versa you should know the other person in and out.

These principles of seduction more often than not are needed when there are hinderances in the natural flow of things. In general one would prefer if love happened as naturally as breathing :)