Saturday, January 31, 2009

evan almighty


God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

Friday, January 30, 2009

trysts with trust

trust is a very dicey thing...its like setting up yourself to trip. I've written about various aspects of trust earlier also. Today i cover another aspect...the basis for trusting...

while to a certain extent trust is a matter of risk appetite, trust is also a matter of logical deductions. The whole thing of why you would trust one person with your credit card details and not another.

First let me supply some credentials...i make and reject friends on the net, trains...anywhere. My credit card has been used by many diff people at diff points of time, i've had million $ worth of software code on my personal comp at a given point of time...etc etc

so when i say i know about trust i'm not exactly speaking from the back of my pants

Coming to the funda of logical deductions...what are these logical deductions, its the combined derivative analysis of words, demonstrated actions, situations and inherent play of emotions.

Lets take each of these in part and then in whole:

words: trust me, i love you, it'll be done, it won't happen again

Demonstrated actions: did the person do what he said, did the person do beyond what he promised, did the person undergo an inconvenience in favor of u, were the actions of no personal benefit to that person, when taken a step forward did the person reciprocate

situations: was there a possibility of reasonable doubt, could the situation be considered ambiguous, were there unbiasable evidences to point towards some conclusion

inherent play of emotions: greed, lust, fear. These three can color your own vision as well as that of the person being thought of. In down times or dicey times its usually not the strongest person who will last with you but someone who is not afraid to lose, does not suffer from greed or does not lust; which ofcourse never happens...so you need to figure out what that person has greed for, what that person lusts for and what that person fears.

And when you think of all these...together u will be able to logically deduce...what needs to be logically deduced.

An important aspect which could easily slip from your thought, that in all this you are judging the person...not as to how that person is...but there trustability...but u still are judging and one must be conscious of this fact...

while i have given all this gyaan...i've basically seen two kinds of people...people who trust easily and people who find it very hard to trust and its mostly based on their own fears than about the people around them...

so after all this piece of useless information which you can't use...i leave you with one nice link

world's top ten con men

Monday, January 26, 2009

Hold Me


Hold me baby;
Coz no matter how strong i am;
There is still that weak bit in me;
That only finds solace in your arms

Saturday, January 24, 2009

spiritual, sexual...shocking

ok the next two posts as per the plan were something more innocent...but coming back from the gym i was pondering on this topic...hence i will post this topic :P

so if u read the last post...it was about aghoris and nakedness in a relationship...

but i didn't interconnect the two...i will now...in just a minute...but i need to spend a few lines on a build up to that...

sex can be an addiction...done out of the force of habit...it can be spiritual...where u deliberate on every moment of it

smoking can be an addiction...done out of the force of habit...it can be spiritual...where u enjoy every puff of it

living can be an addiction...where u live out of the force of habit...or it can be spiritual...where u can feel the energy of every breathe that enters your body

so now i come to relationships and aghoris...a relationship and here i'm just restricting myself to romantic relationships...is a commune of two people...

and now switching to aghoris...the whole concept of aghoris is to end the concept of duality...of difference...and that by the most agressive way...the most horrifying way to normal people...

and i was wondering is kinky sex an expression of the same...the pain, the humiliation...of a strapon sex...of footworship...of flogging...of collaring her...i'll not go into further descriptions...but the more i think about it...the more i believe kinky sex is about stripping the partners of their dignity...that one layer of duality that separates the two...once the ego is gone...the two partners are no longer two...they may be physically two bodies...but the trust and understanding between the two...is of one person.

it may not be the only way of establishing singularity of existence between two people...it may be the aghori way...but that's what i understand it is...

Sunday, January 18, 2009

nakedness...the aghoris

...no its not the same as nudity...

its like shrek says...we ogres are like onions...we have layers...its about stripping of those layers

the first layer is ofcourse clothing...but it is also the most trivial...

the second is of history...of secrets...of things kept locked away

the third is of thoughts and feelings...of not feeling/thinking one thinking and saying another or keeping the them hidden

the fourth is of dignity, of vanity of ego, of self...


and like Keshi this time i'm gonna ask u questions

1. are there any more layers?
2. in a relationship what layers should one keep/lose
3. have u been in a relationship where u removed those layers...was that a happy relationship? if not, why not?

now continuing on with the topic...

Holiness cannot only be macho, but even 'crazy', god-possessed, as it is shown by the members of a rather obscure and small sect, the Aghoris.
They emulate the most extreme characteristics of Lord Shiva as the Conqueror of Death: his favourite haunt is the cremation-grounds; he bathes in cremation-ashes; he wears a garland of skulls and bones; he keeps spirits and ghosts for company; he is continuously intoxicated; and he acts like a madman.
The Aghoris willingly transgress all ascetic (and Hindu) taboos, convinced as they are that by 'reversing all values' they will speed up enlightenment. While all sadhus are supposed to be vegetarian and teetotallers (like all ordinary Hindus for that matter), Aghoris eat meat and drink alcohol.
Even more horrid habits are attributed to Aghoris: they eat the putrid flesh of corpses; they eat excrement and drink urine, even of a dog; they have ritual intercourse with menstruating prostitutes on the cremation-grounds, where they usually hang out; and they meditate while sitting on a corpse.
It is questionable whether all this is regularly done, but it seems quite certain that at least occasionally, and then in a ritual context, as a kind of 'eucharist', these cannibalistic and other 'inhuman' acts are still taking place.Aghoris preferably live on cremationgrounds and surround themselves with artifacts of death, like human skulls out of which they drink and with which they perform magical rituals.

some links for further reading:

http://www.adolphus.nl/sadhus/shiva.html

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=1JBVmho3M58

http://www.geocities.com/aghoranagasatyam/Peoplesaghoris.htm

Saturday, January 17, 2009

to flush or not to flush...that is the question

It is rather haunting, the notice above the Flush button in the toilet on the airliner, "Do Not Flush While Seated On Toilet."

One imagines the engineers of the toilet running tests with flush dummies with big flat butts and the suction ripping the stuffing right out of them, and the engineers thinking, "Oh criminy, you mean we wasted three years on this sucker?"

So lawyers were brought in to write the warning, which had to be short enough to be printed in large type so that old geezers would see it, who are the ones most likely to flush while seated.

So they limited themselves to those seven words and eliminated "Flushing While Seated May Suck Your Colon Out Of You And Cut You A New Orifice While Changing Your Gender In Ways You Don't Even Want To Think About."

I sat down on the closed toilet seat to ponder this and saw that, from the angle of the sitter, the warning notice is not all that prominent. A person could sit there and not notice those seven words, or mistake them for something innocuous such as "Do Not Flush Wallet Down Toilet" or "Use Only As Much Toilet Paper As You Need," the sort of signage that's written by morons for idiots, and so - distracted perhaps by sudden turbulence or feeling rushed because others are waiting - he presses the Flush button and suddenly feels the toilet grip his hinder like a python seizing a rat. He tries to pry himself loose. No go.

Now the flight attendant is tap-tap-tapping on the door. "Are you all right?" she asks.

The man on the toilet, Mr. Murphy, doesn't know how to answer that question. He is, basically, all right in that he is an economist with a shining resumé, is married to a noble and resourceful woman, has three excellent children who are drug-free and on the upward path, and he is flying to Washington to interview for a high-level position in the Department of the Treasury.

On the other hand, he is trapped in the toilet.

She persuades Mr. Murphy to unlock the door. She tries to yank him off the toilet by his wrists and then she lifts up his shirttails and tries to break the seal by inserting her elegant fingers between the toilet seat and his posterior. But he is well and truly stuck.

One last yank and she accidentally pushes the Flush button again and it makes a great flubbery sound that shakes the aircraft, and now poor Murphy feels his innards being pulled downward. He faints. And when he awakens, the plane has made an emergency landing in Schenectady and six men in yellow phosphorescent coats are cutting the toilet with an acetylene torch. They lift him out, the seat still stuck to him, and right here, as he's being carried to a gurney, his luck runs out.

A passenger shoots a video with a cellphone and that is the image that makes its way around the world via the Internet. Everybody and his cousin sees it, what appears to be a Parker House roll on a plate with arms and legs.

An economist should not get stuck in a toilet seat. That is a basic unspoken rule of life. And so ECONOMIST IN TOILET is the headline in the Enquirer, and so a promising career is cut short and poor Murphy must go into exile and teach accounting courses at a secretarial school in Costa Rica.

People do what they are told not to do. It happens time and time again. Here on the frozen tundra, it is known as the Tongue On The Frozen Pump Handle principle. If you put your tongue on a pump handle on a bitter cold winter day, the tongue will freeze to the handle and you will stand there, helpless, unable to cry out for help.

Not that it would do much good - most pump handles these days are in remote rural areas. We've all been warned against doing this and yet we all know that eventually we will do it someday. Somewhere there is a pump handle waiting for me.

I've always expected tragedy to strike around Christmas. A joyful season and all ye faithful have come and then, yikes! You flushed the toilet while sitting on it and your life will never be the same.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Gerbils? Beware u can die of grossness or laughter

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

O.K., here's the top ten things that scared me the most in reading this story.

10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum . . ."

9) "So I peered into the tube . . ." Aaaaaahhhhhhh. I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.

8) That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of the guy's anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love."

6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.

5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well doc, it's like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube . . ."

4) "First and second degree burns to the anus". Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy poop after something like this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.

3) People named "Kiki" - which is obviously a Polynesian word for: "Idiotic gay white men who insert rodents up their asses."

2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?

1) This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.

It sounds so much better when you hear the recording...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3X5f1KIERE

better graphics....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_Jt_g10Jug&feature=related

Thursday, January 15, 2009

debate: nice vs nice

ok so this came to my mind yesterday and i'm still wondering about it...

we all have heard the quintessential debate...'do good guys end up last'...that in my mind is a very simple thing...i could never treat others like objects

but the debate is usually never about such clearly black and white areas...the debate is between how nice one needs to be

i know of a nice guy who is loved by two women...and that despite him having done quite a few bad things in the past...and u know if i'm saying they were bad...that means they were bad things to do...and yet both the women knowing fully well still love him...

while me who thinks that any number of relationships more than one in ones lifetime is a relationship one too many...i felt bad on breaking up with girls who i had a physical relationship with...even though i had made no implicit or explicit commitments to them...has never really been loved by another...

is there a thing like being too nice? or should i just say this is who i am, this is what i want...u like it come get it...you don't like it...well then too bad for u...

is there a con to being not nice...well yeah...u see all these fights happening in this world...its becoz ppl don't put themselves in the other person's shoes...

let me cite an example...a blogger frnd of mine (and plz forgive me for mentioning this) wanted her bf to buy her two sweaters...coz she was short on cash...neways the bf said no...pointing out that she neways had too many clothes ( he's evidently short on diplomacy...why couldn't he use a diff line of reasoning)...neways so the two fought up real bad...both good ppl...nice ppl...but niceness limited to only till their bidding was being done...beyond that the smiles and coochie coos turn turned into hot words and tears...why...because the niceness didn't extend to trying to understand what the other person was thinking and feeling...

so now the debate is open to the forum...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

in god we trust...everybody else pays cash

remember the time u learnt swimming...and the instructor after the initial few sessions took the class to the deep end of the pool and said jump...and we were like...wtf!!! and he said trust me...

or the time u learnt cycling...

the first trek where ure buddy said...trust me...i'll take u thru...u won't fall or get lost...

remember the times...when that trust was shaken...by your parents, friends, god...

ok now imagine this...think of a person..u believe u trust...imagine now that u r in some kind of ransom situation and a bomb went off and the money bag is in ure hand...and pistol has come in the hands of the person u believe u trust...and then u see him point it towards u...what thoughts come in ure mind?

trust is a very dicey thing...it essentially means believing in someone...when all the evidence points agaist that person...

i remember once as a kid...my mom didnt let me go cycling one evening coz it was windy and dusty...and i cried (ok i was small...though i still do get wet eyes sometimes)because i was like why am i being persecuted...all i wanna go is cycling and later when the dust storm had died out...she said now u can go and i was like two hours are already wasted...whats the use now...

why did i cry...had i believed myself that the dust storm was really pretty serious i would myself have ducked under the bed (yes i'm like that :P )...but i didn't and i didn't trust my mom's judegement at that time...

trust is a very funny thing...luckily through childhood and early experiences and lot of pondering...i've come to now easily recongnize ppl i trust and ppl i don't...and it's not that the ppl i dont trust are bad ppl (villains of the movie)...its just that i don't believe i can trust them to be honest with me...thats why i make frnz (and foes) very easily...be it in a party, a train journey, orkut...

there's also a lil bit of science to it...but let that be

the problem about trust is...it can get broken also...it can be because u made an assumption...it could be because the person did break ure trust...

and the worse thing is...it really hurts when u trust someone and they break ure trust...

but just as u don't stop breathing if u get a bout of tuberculosis...ok too severe..a bad cough and cold...same way u can't stop trusting

its a subconscious thing...even if u feel u r not trusting...u trust the milk co. to make the right powder for ure kids...u trust ure driver with ure life...

there are things where one should avoid keeping things on trust...like when someone gives u a bundle of notes...u should count it...because if u take it on trust...and by mistake a note fell short...or got extra...and neither of u came to know till later one of u did...and then u will never know what happened....and the trust will get broken...

othello (omkara) is about the same thing...make things as explicit as u can if there's a possibility to do that...and where u can't...well...then u gotta trust...just like u gotta breathe

oh btw...that ransom scenario...probably that person has the gun to shoot u...probably its to shoot the villain standing behind u...who knows ;)

alone : solitude and loneliness

small post this...

people find themselves alone at various points in life...sometimes its solitude...when one wants to be alone...to be able to talk to own self...to ponder, contemplated and deliberate with self...or maybe just to sit around in peace with no pondering

then there are times when one wants to speak to someone...and you find that of all the numbers on your phonebook, there is none u can call...everybody has their own lives and their priorities...your friends are busy with their work, or own families, too caught up in their own troubles or maybe even if they were available it wouldn't help much...because not every person can be allowed to be deeply intimate with your life...

i have been alone in both the ways...and know how peaceful and calming the first can be...and how the second one is like living hell...

after this comes the para of preaching...but i'm not gonna do that...trust your destinies to understand the unwritten para and take you to your future...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

what is it like....

almost all of you know my fav topic...is kink...no brainer on that one...

the other topics u wud know are movies and food...

so today lets talk about another topic...which i do mention...but rarer than most others...meditation...

but before that u must understand the journeys of the person writing this post...of travels across the country...of self inflicted cigarette burns on the arm...of romantic love poems...of playing chess in lunch breaks...of sleeping on the floor of the train coach, not because he didnt have a ticket...but because he wanted to have the experience...of smoke and alcohol...of five years of abstinence...of a vow of chastity...of unbound sex...of broken hearts...of scientific phenomenon...of years of insomnia...of psychiatrists...of osho ashram...of treks in the pune hills (cursing shivaji :P )...of complex love stories...of playing wid kids...of software code...of cups of coffee...of jive lessons...of high heels...of flowing rivers...of sadhus...of greed...of thieves...or rude people...of random friends...

and then when u carry all the baggage of this knowledge and u sit down in medidation...all your thoughts come rushing to u...of rights and wrongs...of sadness and happiness...of injustice done to u by life and people...of injustice done by u to ohers...but u just keep sitting...letting the thoughts come and play but not getting entangled in them...being the observer...distancing yourself from those thoughts...and slowly those thoughts die away...and silence starts coming to u...and the moment it starts coming to u...ure mind tries to start talking again...but then u remind ureself to not talk...and there are no more words...no more thoughts...and u let silence over take u...till it grows so strong that u can't take the power of silence of anymore and u open ure eyes...

and this is where i break off the story...coz this is as far as i've gone...

i can tell u what i've heard of what lies beyond this...but that is somebody else's experience...and coming from me those words will be hollow...so i let it be...for u to be your own mystique wanderer...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Updates

A brand new story... A Tumultuous Innings


The kinky erotica blog is finally up...invite only though...for those of you who wanna become a reader please mail me (girishkohli@gmail.com) or put it in the comments box, with the id you want to access the blog...though let me remind you...thats a no holds barred perverse ground...so dont come crying to me if some stuff offends you...you can always put in a request for a particular topic though

on the work front...the struggle to get things into a smooth flow continues

got back to tennis and gyming after a long while :)

and the personal front is as complicated and emotionally turbulent as it can ever get :P

Thursday, January 8, 2009

rose of love

plant a rose
where my ashes lie
and my love
will bloom towards the sky

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ishq mein gairate jazbaat

jagjit and chitra:

Ishq mein gairate jazbaat ne rone naa diya
varna kya baat thi kis baat ne rone naa diya
Ishq mein gairate jazbaat neee...
Yaar ko maine mujhe yaar ne Sone naa diya
raat bhar taal-a-bedar ne sone naa diya
Yaar ko maine mujhe yaar neee...


Aap kehte the k rone se naa badalenge naseeb
Umarr bhar aapki ish baat ne rone naa diya
varna kya baat thi kis baat ne rone naa diya


Ek sabgul bule betaab k jaage naa naseeb
Pehlu-a-gul ne kabhi khaar ne sone naa diya
Yaar ko maine mujhe yaar ne...


Unse milkar hamein rona tha bohat rona tha
Tangi-a-waqte mulakaat ne rone naa diya
Ishq mein gairate jazbaat ne



Raat bhar ki dil-a-betaab ne baatein mujhse
ranj-o-mehanat k kiraftar ne sone naa diya
Yaar ko maine mujhe yaar ne....


Rone waalo se kaho unka bhi rona role
jinko majboori-a-halat ne rone naa diya


Ishq mein gairate jazbaat ne rone naa diya
Ishq mein gairate jazbaat ne
Yaar ko maine mujhe yaar ne...
Ishq mein gairate jazbaat ne

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

mystique wanderer

what is the 'mystique wanderer'...is a question i many times ask myself...if he is girish the person then why not just call him girish...if he is shiva the lord he takes his name from then why not call him that...why mystique...why wanderer

as a child i had many dreams...i still do...the dream all is very simple...to live a joyous life...on god's earth why should i feel any pain...everything is a joy...

what is it in life that makes us be serious...being serious..'is against the natural order of life' a statement the govt uses to bias against the gay and lesbian folk.

if you see the movie...'the butterfly effect' u will get a very visual example of repercussions of action (btw here we count inaction also as an action)...that each action will have a side effect that you can't determine or calculate...and hence any and every action can cause us sadness...

while our actions are in our hands...it thus implies there effects are not...what we can do...is to do actions which we feel are for the good...and goodness is as i believe not akin to something that can be 'one man's food another man's posion'...no the "good" things...are things that make this world a better place...

As much as i try and do a "good" for u...i have no way of saying with any degree of certainity that it will make you happy...

can i do something...for which i can say...i will be happy...with a good degree of certainty...i guess not

then am i supposed to do nothing? i guess not

by the capabilities of our own faculties we are supposed to do as much good as we can according to our own understanding...

but at the end of it...there's no sense in taking the weight of the world on our shoulders...neither can i guarantee that my actions will make someone happy...nor can i ensure that i myself will be happy...

it is when we take the weight of the world on our shoulders does our existence become loaded with desires and angst...our existence should be light and joyful with there being no conflict with anything else in the universe...

hence be at peace with yourself...an eternal peace...

that...is the search of the mystique wanderer...

Saturday, January 3, 2009

the illusion of complexity

if we look around...we can see the creations of the human mind

the pyramids of egypt

nuclear science

spinal surgeries

and simple things like sewing machine, the steam engine...absolute marvels

But if you come to think of it...how in the name of God...did they make huge labyrinths which they connected through tunnels which were designed to make u go round and round if u didnt have the map....all with the help of giant boulders fitted without modern technology!!!

if u see it...its only a question of three variables...and multiple iterations over them and u get the answer

but i'll take u to something even simpler...the 8 queens problem...and the kinky sadistic bastard that i am....i will let u take the effort of googling what the 8 queens problem is.

But again it is the problem of 1 independent and 7 partially dependent variables...all locked together in multiple iterations...

But what is the key...the key is that even though there are hundreds of variables that go into a controlled nuclear explosion...the complexity is only an illusion...once u can look past it...it all breaks down into simple variables to be dealt one at a time and pondered over iteratively

Life is like that...job, family, love, friends, health, economy...and prolly around a dozen more variables...together they provide the illusion of complexity...that illusion becomes the chains we talk about often. But if u can look past the illusion...the picture starts unravelling...and the choices we need to make in life become very simple...

I believe the smile on a sadhu's lips...is because he can see how simple how life is...and he knows we can't see that :P

Friday, January 2, 2009

the fights

ok early in the morning...hyper talks between bro and bhabhi...nothing serious...stuff like u didnt have ure medicine...where is it...i dont know...blah blah blah...

even though they have their cute moments...they have too many non cute moments...

gawd they scare the hell out of me...i think i'm ok being single...i'm turning into a saint neways...15 months already

Thursday, January 1, 2009

so this year

well lets look at what would be nice to do in this year

i want to..travel...lots of three day weekends...i want to just travel around

and i want to meet people...i'm not sure how..but i want to meet a prostitute, a self made entrepreneur, an actor, a gay, a politician and a hacker...yeps thats it...simple list

since the relationship thingy looks dicey...might seek out a fuck buddy, a domme, a sub...not sure about this one...but since this is the year of being radical...well...why not (oh and btw...the ppl shortlisted for love are not elligible for the platonic categories...no baby...no easy way out for u)

and i want to write one book, make one movie (that handycam variety...i have great many satirical comedy ideas), make one piece of wood work...also the tiramisu is pending from last year...neone how do i make cream cheese from malaee plz...

amongst the gross things...i have this pee fixation...have to do it off a tall building or a hill top...there were two extremes...the ocean is already covered...now the tall one

'i posted and came back to edit...if i can get a lil more physically in shape...i would like to model for one of those art colleges...evidently those poor buggers dont get enough people...how sad is that

and while we are at it...i totally missed out on how rishikesh and haridwar are gonna be my fav tourist spots this year...gilli baba wants to meditate peacefully...this will also be the year of spirituality'

oh and professionally...i will read up like crazy on all things about HR, go for one external training...and really kick some ass in terms of work output...

oh plus i want to try my hand at one of those reality shows...not the talent type ones...coz err...i have none (that i can display that is)...but like the apprentice thing or the roadies or something...

and last but not the least (oh btw if i miss nething out...i can always come back and add more :D )...is to make many many more random frnz...and spread more miles of smiles... :)